I’m searching for something which can’t be found, but I’m hoping…
Hey everybody, my name is Scott Green. I am many things – musician, student, caregiver…but for years, other descriptors came to mind: Fat. Ugly. Failure.
As time went on, pessimism gave way to apathy, apathy to despair. The weight problems that I had struggled with for years started impacting my life in ways I had never experienced. My mental health problems interfered with my ability to function on a daily basis, to the point where leaving the house was a struggle. There was no movie-quality lightbulb moment for me, just a growing realization that if I didn’t do something to take my life back, and soon, that eventually it would be too late. Since June 25, 2013, I’ve been preparing to have gastric bypass surgery. As of October 18, I’ve lost 26 pounds so far, and my surgery is scheduled for November 20 (UPDATE: As of 4/14/15, I’ve lost 168 pounds, 133 since surgery). Through therapy and medication, I’m more in control of my depression, anxiety, and ADHD than I’ve been in years.
As I progressed further through my weight loss preparation, I began to update my friends and family, but I refrained from making it public knowledge. Even in the midst of all these changes, I was still afraid! What if somebody tells me this is a terrible idea? Will they think I’m taking the easy way out? Eventually I went out on a limb and told everybody, and the response was overwhelmingly positive…but I would never have found out if I hadn’t just said “screw it” for once in my life.
Subtle Future Rearranging is about breaking that wall down, and if you can relate to these struggles, know that you’re not alone. If you ever need an ear, feel free to comment on one of my posts, hit me on Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, or mosey on over to my Contact page.
Scott lives in Worcester, MA with his fiancee, Amber, and their two cats, Dunka and Cocoa. He plays guitar for melodic/doom metal band Dreaded Silence, atmospheric rock group Screaming Skylight, and is a solo singer / songwriter.