In case you can’t tell, I’ve decided that this blog will encompass more than my weight loss journey. It’s only a part of the transformation I’m undergoing, so prepare yourselves.

The last five years have been quite a struggle. My fiancee Amber had brain surgery on February 24, 2009 to correct Arnoald-Chiari Malformation (Type I). She had been having migraines for years, but after we started dating, they became more frequent and debilitating. While the surgery was a success structurally, it didn’t reverse the damage that had been done, though it did stop the symptoms from progressing further. I stopped working after her surgery, and I’ve basically been a full-time caregiver since then. Originally, this was because it’s impossible to tell when Amber’s going to go downhill in terms of pain, and I see the warning signs better than other people do. This wasn’t the only reason, though. Over time, I became more terrified about going back to the “real world.”

I’ve always been shitty at being an adult. I’m awful with money, I procrastinate endlessly, I have a terrible track record with jobs…I could go on, but that won’t fix anything. As stated, part of the transformation right now is physical, but just as important is my mental health. The biggest aspects of this that I need to overcome are my crippling self-doubt, fear of failure, and tendency to blame myself for everything under the sun. Anyways, back to the “real world,” and specifically, getting a job after not having worked for five years. I’ve been taking IT classes here and there for a few semesters, but I never felt that I could really swing it. Amber’s dad is definitely of the opinion that I have the skills and knowledge to get a gig somewhere, but do I believe it? How do I change my own mind? Where the hell do I start?

More on this later. Feel free to leave any thoughts you may have on the matter!

-Scott