Thoughts On Boogie2988 & DDP

I’m very psyched for Boogie2988, who I started watching on YouTube this last year. While he’s hilarious, and has some great takes on the gaming industry, the thing that kept me watching was how genuine he was. He puts himself, all 550lbs of him, out to 1.9 MILLION people, every day. That’s courage, and it’s a big reason why I started doing these videos and blogs in the first place. In any case, over the weekend, he met and worked with Diamond Dallas Page of DDPYoga (also a 3-time WCW Champion) to help him get started on being more active, eating better, and “own his life,” which is one of DDP’s mantras.

I’ve been a big fan of wrestling for as long as I can remember, so DDP’s videos spoke to me in a way similar ones wouldn’t.  Instead, it hit me that I didn’t need to “die fat, die miserable,” as Boogie put it. Having the surgery gave me a boost, to be sure, but I have tried to incorporate some of DDP’s “program,” IF YOU WEEEL, into multiple facets of my life. I never had hope that I could change my life. Day by day, I’m being proven wrong, in the best way possible. You’re on the right path, Boog.

Interview with Diamond Dallas Page of DDPYoga!!:

140! / New Body Quirks / Getting More Active

Went with my fiancee to the weight center the other day, and jumped on the scale to check – I’m down to 278…140 pounds! Crazy. I’ve really been focusing on eating better the last couple of weeks, and losing an additional 10 pounds shows that I’m on the right track.

Anyways, losing 140 pounds obviously means that your body will be changing dramatically. Lately, a couple of things have been more noticable to me, the first being that I’m growing wings. That’s right, wings:


This isn’t upsetting me as much as some people think. It’s amusing, actually. I was never worried about how I would look after the surgery, so having unsightly loose skin isn’t going to hamper the fact that I’m getting healthy. Plus, there are also benefits, like developing a jawline:


In other news, I went for a walk that turned into a jog. A jog.

What the hell, man?

Getting back to business

As stated in my recent YouTube video, I hit a rough patch for the last couple of months. Despite the mental setbacks, the physical side of the equation didn’t seem to suffer, which probably made it more difficult to see that I needed to refocus. The last couple of weeks have had their ups and downs, with Amber having bariatric surgery herself (a Sleeve Gastrectomy) and becoming more aware of my mental and physical limitations.

One thing that is both a positive and negative for me is that I’m fairly self-aware. I know, for example, that my two greatest fault is an intense fear of failure, which results in becoming overwhelmed more often than I’d like to admit. Because of this, I have a lot of trouble starting tasks, let alone finishing them. This applies not only to important items, but fun things as well. Case in point, the long time between posts. The thought of sitting down and composing an update was paralyzing. I experience that feeling almost every day.

I want to make this clear: I’m not seeking attention, pity, or anything along those lines. I just want to explain what I’m dealing with, because I know I’m not the only one. That’s the whole point of this blog. Originally, my YouTube posts and the subsequent written updates were to cover my weight loss surgery, but it’s impossible to separate that from what made me so overweight in the first place. I realize now that my mental health has always been a problem, and it became progressively worse over the last few years. I want to present a realistic portrait of my journey – the ups and downs, the struggles and successes. This post has become something of a mission statement, I suppose. In any case…

What things do you struggle with? This doesn’t have to be something physical, mental, emotional, etc. Please share in the comments!


Support Groups

Went to my first support group session at the weight center tonight (focusing on exercise), and I’m really glad I went. It’s a really fantastic group of people, and I was excited to be able to give advice about post-surgical preparation and things to look out for. Can’t wait for the next session, which will deal with body image issues. Although I’m really psyched with my body’s progress thus far, I’m really interested to hear their take on the subject.

Short one today, but there you have it!


Exercise For Fat Dudes

I just read a heinous blog post by somebody about “fatties” at the gym who “clog up the equipment for more concentrated/determined humans, and ultimately achieve zero ends via their confused and disjointed exercise routines.” That sums up why I’ve never gone to a gym, ever. In any case…

So, I’m down 100 pounds. That’s awesome, but it’s not enough. I could just continue to eat better and let my drastically reduced stomach do its magic, but then I’d be wasting this wonderful tool I’ve been given. So, this weekend I started exercising. Aside from one summer where I played Pop Warner football, I’ve never had a daily exercise routine. I have no idea what I’m doing, and my body is a lot weaker than it was before surgery. Most of that is probably due to me not pushing myself to be more active before now, but…better late than never, right?

Saturday, I did 20 incline push-ups using my bathroom sink. Yes, the incline makes it easier, but I’m 315 pounds, and I don’t mind the help until I get stronger. Yesterday, I bumped that to 50. This morning, I’ve done 30 (I’ll do 20 more later today), with 30 situps and a bunch of leg lifts. This may be the wrong way to go about things – as stated, I’m clueless about this sort of thing. But I’m trying.

If you have any suggestions, I’m all ears. I plan to eventually get to doing DDP Yoga, but I can’t afford the DVDs at the moment, so that’s going to be a bit. I have a couple of goals I’m working towards now. One is to be under 250 by the time by birthday rolls around in November. I think with the diet and exercise combined, I can get there. The other…I’m keeping under wraps for now. If I achieve that one, the 250 is in the bag.

Please leave your thoughts, suggestions, etc. I’d love to hear them!


Where to go from here

In case you can’t tell, I’ve decided that this blog will encompass more than my weight loss journey. It’s only a part of the transformation I’m undergoing, so prepare yourselves.

The last five years have been quite a struggle. My fiancee Amber had brain surgery on February 24, 2009 to correct Arnoald-Chiari Malformation (Type I). She had been having migraines for years, but after we started dating, they became more frequent and debilitating. While the surgery was a success structurally, it didn’t reverse the damage that had been done, though it did stop the symptoms from progressing further. I stopped working after her surgery, and I’ve basically been a full-time caregiver since then. Originally, this was because it’s impossible to tell when Amber’s going to go downhill in terms of pain, and I see the warning signs better than other people do. This wasn’t the only reason, though. Over time, I became more terrified about going back to the “real world.”

I’ve always been shitty at being an adult. I’m awful with money, I procrastinate endlessly, I have a terrible track record with jobs…I could go on, but that won’t fix anything. As stated, part of the transformation right now is physical, but just as important is my mental health. The biggest aspects of this that I need to overcome are my crippling self-doubt, fear of failure, and tendency to blame myself for everything under the sun. Anyways, back to the “real world,” and specifically, getting a job after not having worked for five years. I’ve been taking IT classes here and there for a few semesters, but I never felt that I could really swing it. Amber’s dad is definitely of the opinion that I have the skills and knowledge to get a gig somewhere, but do I believe it? How do I change my own mind? Where the hell do I start?

More on this later. Feel free to leave any thoughts you may have on the matter!


Big February Update!

Apologies for the lack of posts…Life has been pretty crazy since my surgery on 11/20.  I have a few blogs on my YouTube account with more in-depth discussion about the process immediately preceding and following the surgery.

In any case, yesterday I got on the scale at the weight center, and came in at 315.8 pounds.  To many, that’s a number they’d never want to see.  For me, it’s an incredible success.  Since June 25, 2013, I’ve lost 102 pounds, 67 of which I’ve lost since my surgery on November 20th.  To say that I feel great is an understatement.  My mobility is 100% better, my breathing and sleep is improved, and my mental health is under control.

I have hope.

This process has not only been rewarding, but an emotional revelation.  I lived in fear and shame for years.  I fully believed that I deserved to be miserable, that I was unworthy of happiness, and that an early grave was my destiny.  I don’t want to imply that this journey has been without its difficulties, because that’s far from the case.  It took a long time for my strength and energy to come back.  I have trouble drinking enough every day.  I forget to eat.  That’s a strange one.  Before, I couldn’t stop eating…Now, I’m rarely hungry.  There are foods that give me trouble, and there are days where I feel awful because something isn’t sitting right.  Crushing pills made me gag on a daily basis.  None of that matters in the long run, though.

So far, so good.  I’m even feeling better about how I look.  Many people seem to make this a focal point in their decision to go for surgery, and end up disappointed.  That was never the endgame for me, so I consider it an added bonus.  Clothes fit better (or worse, for the bigger items) – I’m down 3 sizes on pants so far!  It’s been about 10 years since I weighed less than this, so I’m excited to keep it going.

In conclusion, I’m hoping to update more frequently going forward.  I know I trend to say that a lot, but I’m going make a concerted effort to stay on top of things.  In addition, I should have some before and after pics soon, so stay tuned, and thanks for reading!